that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
