My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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