Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
