I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
