i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
where are you?
Hypothermia
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
