The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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