I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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