I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
