Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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