I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
