I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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