a queef is a wish your heart makes.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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