tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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