So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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