Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
