She's JV to your varsity
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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