Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
