your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
