You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I touched a dick in church today
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
