do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
