You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
