Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
