You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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