The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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