I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
