you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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