"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
