i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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