the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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