So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
