I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
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Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
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My legs feel like baby dolphins
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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