His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
