I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize