Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
