good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
