Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You took a bar mat shot.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
