Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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