I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
it glows. i had to have it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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