She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
