i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
