It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
