nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
