I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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