I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
