The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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