watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
