love makes seman taste better
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
