so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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