he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
