You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
