I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
