But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
