Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
