You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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