If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
