Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
