im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
