I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
