i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
