I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize