Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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