yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
