He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
